ON ADULTHOOD: ALL TOO FAST?

I turn 20 in a month and 4 days.
Whilst I can't fully relate to the plight of a twenty-something year old with regards to making life changing decisions such as Career paths, Marriage, general Independence and all of the things that come with being a young adult in the real world, I can however relate to the Unsurety and Fear that accompany these things.

I was watching the Season Finale of Lena Dunham's twenty-something project "Girls"
One of the characters Hanna is having a really difficult time being Independent and she says;
"You know when you're young and you drop glass, your Dad says get out the way so you can be safe while he cleans it up. Well, now no one really cares if I clean it up myself, no one really cares if I get cut with the glass. If I break something, no one says let me take care of that, You know?"

I'm only 20, I'm still on my Parents payroll, I don't have to make a choice with regards to my career path now, I still have 2 summers of Internships, my Parents still call to check up on me but I still feel like I need to clean up my glass by myself. My Second year at University hasn't been so amazing, I certainly have not made any ground breaking discoveries, I'm not even sure I've learnt anything new and this really worries me because I like to learn, I love to feel like I am making progress but my life feels so static now.

I hate that I have to go to lectures where I don't even understand a word the lecturer is saying due to how poor his/her delivery is, I don't even get tutorials at my Uni so I cannot even consolidate on the work I am being taught. I fall asleep every time I try to revise because it all just seems so pointless. I've not always been like this though. Once Upon a time, I had teachers who taught so well, I enjoyed reading through my notes, my average percentage was always overwhelming and I was always satisfied!

No one knows I'm this frightened because I never speak about it. I always laugh it off. I love to make jokes about the things I'm most frightened about. My School work is one of the most Important things to me. It is the field were I stand out, If I cant stand out anymore then how exactly am I going to differentiate myself? A number of people have high expectations of me, I don't want to let them down, I cannot let myself down either so I have decided to juice this lemon life has thrown at me. I have decided to face my fears, convince my mind to accept optimism and work as hard as is humanely possible. That's what adults do! They Push! They Push because they do not have an option, they push because they are solely responsible for themselves and maybe others. It's time to do some growing up, Its time to start cleaning up those glass pieces myself and not worry if anyone cares about me cleaning it up alone or getting cut.

Your Mindset is everything, convince your mind to Push because that is the only option. Lets see what happens.

Have a great day every one!

Love,

Onyi.