HOME IS WHERE PASSION THRIVES?

My little brother began his A-levels a few weeks ago. One of the subjects he is taking is Government and Politics. I was having a workload catch-up session with him and asked him how that was going. He said to me, "Onyi, I have to learn the names of all the important MP's and people who have been influential in British Politics. It doesn't really appeal to me"

My family loves Politics. Our morning discussions centre around Nigerian politics so when he said it didn't appeal to him, I knew that as he didn't grow up in England, it was very normal that he would have to feign interest until he found real passion.

I completely relate to what he is experiencing. Whilst applying for summer internships, I realised that I wasn't sure what it was I wanted to do career wise. I was applying for jobs in the engineering industry but I knew I didn't want to work in that sector. When I moved on to applying to the big Investment banks, whilst my friends were applying for front office roles like Sales/Trading and Investment banking, I was going for the back office roles like Internal Audit. I'm driven by passion so I knew that I wouldn't be happy in that role. I needed to find a role that was an intersection of all or most of my interests. 

I was walking to school one morning and I walked past a professional services firm. I'd walked past this firm every weekday in the school year for 2 years and for the first time, I had a curiosity surge. I rushed to the library, got a computer and searched for what they did. I learnt then that the Audit Commission had called on big firms to bid for Public Sector contracts and this firm had been the biggest benefactor. I had my epiphany then. For the first time, I felt like I knew what I wanted to do. If I got a job in public sector audit, I'd get the chance to (even though minutely) influence governance by giving advice to public sector bodies on better ways to maximise their allocation and resources. I'd get to scrutinise their accounts and make sure there were no discrepancies, literally make sure tax payers' money was being spent on the right things in the right way and finally, I'd get a professional qualification. As my interests range from good governance and accountability in the public sector to Maths and Science, I was ecstatic! I still am. 

I scored my internship and enjoyed greatly my time at the firm. I learnt a lot but I kept wishing I was doing work for the local government councils, hospitals and police bodies back home. I kept imagining how exciting it'd be to see familiar names on the statement of accounts or query workers about issues I was very familiar with. 

I've lived in England for only 5 years and I still actively follow Nigerian politics and lifestyle. I still feel like I have to give back to my people. I keep wondering if my flame would burn hotter if I was playing 'Miss Fix-it' or 'Madam due process', if my passion would thrive more if I was actively involved in reforming the Nigerian public sector. 

It's very exciting that I have these quandaries to ponder on. They keep me going. I am grateful for the experience working in England is providing me with. I'm ecstatic that I am now not limited to writing essays on what I think the problem with Nigeria is; I am acquiring skills that will enable me become a reformer. 

This is my dream taking full shape. 

Love, 

Onyi 

COLOUR

Green's fear strikes,
It doesn't hurt.
Blue should be the colour of the heart now but it's a dark shade of yellow,
The passiveness is worrying!
Slowly, the colours change.
Brown and bland become the common denominator.
A deep void in emotions, an absence from the world,
Likened to a lifeless soul, a wandering body.

Red flows with rage through green's inners,
A vivid reminder that it is nearly dawn, the break of a new day.
The auditory senses black pace drums, boom-boom-boom.
It's not a wild dream,
Reality sets in.
Tears stream down and soil the exterior,
"Brace up!" You ought to be gallant, the inner voices say.

Swaying from side to side, controlled by the wind.
Love and nurture form pink blossoms,
Time and fortitude turn grey solid bottom into layers of hope.
Fear struck with egalitarian expertise,
Once levelled and colourless,
Now likened to colour in motion; Orange, Blue, Violet, Purple
A buoyant soul, an animate body.

BUCKET LIST

I have all these things on my bucket list I used to think I really wasn't brave enough to do. I'd weigh the possibility of doing them and then say, "Oo, I'll probably do this when I'm 30 or maybe 40 or just whenever I feel brave enough" but there's an expiry date on life, you know? 

Taking spontaneous trips is one of them. I feel very fortunate to have a bit of independence whilst still so young, I can't exactly tell what my future is going to be, so I'm learning to seize opportunities.

I've spent most of the school year working on my design project at university, after very long work hours (At least thrice, I sat in the Library working for almost 25 hours) and mixed emotions, I handed in the final copy at the end of term. I was ecstatic! Whilst I was basking in the brief freedom from continuously handing in stellar quality work, I needed time alone to reflect on some choices I've made with regards to my personal life. So, I decided to go to Paris. I felt like a free bird walking into St. Pancras, checking-in and waiting for my train to be called.

I've always wanted to visit a pretty city alone. As I live in London, I always said London, Paris and New York are near identical to one another but I've now realised that these cities are indeed very different from one another. New York, I haven't explored well enough to fall in love with but London and Paris have my heart. Whilst London is a bit masculine, Paris has a more feminine touch to it and with femininity comes empathy and warmth, just what I needed for a weekend away. 

I boarded the train and the entire train ride was very dreamy. I was excited in an unsure way but I was determined to wander in a novel city, feel invisible and find beauty. On arrival, I checked into my hotel and went off to Le Restaurante des Poetes in the Passage Molière. The restaurant was very cozy and the passage very picturesque. The setting made it perfect for reflecting. Solitude is bliss. I didn't have to keep a conversation going, all I needed to do was observe. I enjoy having dinner alone, so this wasn't a first but the conversations around me were different, in a different language, my view was shadowy and the notes I took down were very unusual. 

Just as I was settling my cheque, one of the waiters asked if I'd like to grab drinks with him as he'd be ending his shift. I thought that my cue to leave so, I picked up my things and slid into a taxi. I wanted to talk to strangers I'd possibly never cross paths with again but I still had my guard up and I wasn't about to share drinks with just any man. A bit uptight for a supposed free spirit, I know.

I went back to my Hotel, changed into a night time outfit and headed to L'experimental. Going to a really cozy bar alone was a little awkward, as it was my first time. I headed straight to the bar area and told the bartender to make me cocktails that infused my favourite flavours. Whilst we were at that, someone who sources fabrics for Saint Laurent walked up to me and asked who the designer of the pair of shorts I was wearing was. It was a pair of Velvet shorts with gold embellishments from Virgos Lounge. Before she walked up to me, she thought it was designed by Balmain, pretty easy way to start a girly conversation. She invited me to join her party of friends who ensured I had a very lovely night. I was talking to one of her friends who told me he'd be quitting his job the next monday to go sailing around the world. Think Eat, Pray, Love. I only saw people finding themselves through lots of travel by reading fiction, or watching movies. Maybe because I come from a place where no one ever admits to being lost, we all just go along with the conventional flow. 

As interesting as his stories were, I still got a bit frightened. Our entire conversation span, I kept wondering if I'd ever decide to quit my already-made life because I just wasn't happy or satisfied. I got lost talking and laughing, and didn't even realise when the clocks moved forward, it was almost 5am when I realised and as I walked to get my taxi that morning, I had a brief moment where I felt really emancipated. I realised that people were just people and there were 7 billion of us on the planet. I didn't need to keep sugar-coating things and playing hide & seek because I was scared to look people in the eye and tell them my truth. I needed to be Me, the person that had just sat with a group of strangers I'd possibly never cross paths with again and had the most honest conversations. That was all the clarity I needed.

My Sunday began with a communion service at the Notre Dame. Possibly the highlight of the trip. It was very tranquil. As is common with Gothic architecture, it is very palatial. As I wandered around and got lost in how beautiful the church was, my mind and spirit in unison said, "God truly does live here". The funny thing is I'd been here before, I think I was about 16 and as was common with my younger self, I was distracted. Yes! I know I'm a tad dramatic but it was a wonderful experience.

I headed to Brasserie de L'isle Saint Louis where I got a seat at the terrace which has a really great view. After I was done eating, I took a walk and unleashed my photography skills (LOL). Thankfully, the weather was beautiful so I, in my 5-inch heels and full skirt wandered around all the touristy spots and once I was tired, I headed back to my hotel and fell asleep until morning.

On my final day I didn't really make any plans. I decided to be very spontaneous and just do whatever the wind blew my way. I lodged in a place really close to the Arc de Triomphe so I walked down the Champs Élysées window-shopping and in some cases went in to try on clothes. I tried to restrain myself but I couldn't help but find myself walking along Avenue Montaigne. I ended up succumbing to my weakness for fine leather shoes made to fit my massive size 42 feet thus draining my bank account but it was all worth it. Walked to L'avenue and wondered if I'd bump into any Drake's or Rihanna's but alas, no celebrities were in sight. After a while, I headed to Gard du Nord, boarded my train and came back home to my love, London. 

I had a wonderful time in Paris. I love that life sometimes feels like pages from a story book. I'm glad I was brave enough to do something on my bucket list and I was even more glad I got the clarity I needed.

Love and Light,
Onyi 

BATTLE OF THE MIND

Unguarded soliloquy, my different voices get louder.
Possibly why leading the life of a party is a timeless trend,
Faced with demons, a lust for life,
Realising that a mistake made twice is a habit,
Trying to break free!
Never ending battle of the mind.

Solitude is hearty,
Loneliness however, very frail.
A wandering mind never dwells well lonely,
An idle workshop,
Continuously fracturing principles,
Breaching trust,
Constantly battling the negativity that is actually reality.

Selfish in the quest for happiness,
A very absurd reality,
No true definition of self, existing with misplaced values.
Where's the loyalty? Is it traded for something else?
The conscience is a gift,
Only because of it will selfish I, realise that the mind is a battlefield,
And the ultimate prize is freedom from the flesh.

#100HAPPYDAYS

I'm listening to Pharell's Happy whilst I write this. Emeli Sandé and Rudimental's Free has also been instrumental in fixing my mood recently (The Power of Music!)

Waking up to bad news everyday takes a toll on our moods.
If you're Nigerian, the Boko Haram attacks people in Northern Nigeria are plagued with surely must have gotten you thinking about how callous humanity is.
The missing Malaysian Airlines Flight MH370 has made me truly question my existence. I have finally accepted that many things in the world are truly beyond my comprehension.

I've been thinking about so many war torn countries lately. I know there are so many girls in the Central African Republic who would give all they have to be provided with opportunities I take for granted.
Reading war stories, listening to war survivors recount their experiences and becoming increasingly aware of all the injustice in the world has become a vision-aid for my myopic view.

My Mother always told me she lived in awe because she just couldn't believe how blessed she was to have stability in her life. I always watched her closely whilst she shared her testimonies with me and thought, "Oo! How dramatic"
I'm an adult now, I turn 21 in a few weeks and I am probably more dramatic than my Mum is when I share my testimonies.
Interacting with people on a daily basis and trying to embrace the world and be open-minded has completely changed my perspective on everything.
I've gone from being completely pragmatic to being the person who understands that whilst I need to work really hard, I have to begin all my endeavours with GOD. 
The results so far have been amazing. Right now, I cannot imagine where I'd draw inspiration from or who I'd seek solace in if I did not answer to a higher being.

On a very personal level,
My confidence had been dwindling. It was getting increasingly harder to stand out.
I'd never really been scared of failure because I'd grown to believe that everything always worked out in the end. This time though, failure looked closer than ever and I actually started to wonder what it would feel like to fall from grace.
I decided to restructure. I looked at the world and realised that I was like a single cell in an entire body. I really had no superpowers and I needed guidance.

Once I sought guidance, my life started to fall in place.
It's very likely that songs of gratitude will never cease from my lips.
I haven't been more excited about life. I know there'll be trials but I'm not frightened.

I found the #100HAPPYDAYS trend on social media and It got me really excited. Everything in my life isn't perfect but I'm genuinely happy to be looking forward to great things hence, I'm challenging myself to find reasons to be happy and show gratitude and share these reasons for 100 days. JOIN ME!

Love always,

Onyi.

WHAT IS A GOOD LIFE?

Seeing a lot of monetarily rich people, I tend to gasp sometimes and say "Ooh! They have it so good"

How do I come to this conclusion? They probably are driving the fastest car, draped in luxury clothing, live in the biggest house, own/ work for a very profitable enterprise.

I'm not a mind reader so I don't know what their feelings are. Are they content? Do they feel completely at ease and happy? 

The holiday completely changed my perception of money. Money is a tool. If I was stripped bare and unable to continue life as it is now, just like the millions of people that have a minimum amount of it, I'd survive. In conversations with my dad, he always pointed out that avenues would arise to make certain choices that could lead to material accumulation but more times there would be a trade off between Greed and Integrity. Following earnestly, Nigerian news, this resonated with me. Remember the AMCON list of debtors? It was shocking and humorous because of the calibre of people on the list, the billions involved and how they had defaulted on these loans. I remember vividly that it put a sense of contentment in my heart because I realised that my care-takers had tailored life such that we only had what we could afford. I heard a man once say, "I learnt the beauty of dying debt-free when my father died. It created peace, harmony & averted unnecessary worry"

We live in a world where money is worshipped. We however, have to strive for integrity. 

As a child, I always watched the Hallmark movie channel. One movie I remember vividly is Nelson Mandela's biopic. It's unforgettable to me because, as a child, I didn't really understand freedom from colonialism or apartheid but watching this movie always brought me to tears. I saw greatness. Since the day 5-year old me first watched the biopic, Madiba's life has been an inspiration to me. When he passed on, I reflected on his legacy. Integrity stood out. He achieved the pinnacle of his aspiration on merit and he lived a very simple life, void of the trappings of most of the things we believe are necessary for a good life. He spent his latter days mostly in the company of his grand children. I believe that for all he sacrificed in his earlier life, he was blessed with all that he needed in his latter life. The earth doffed it's hat to this great man. We can all in unison say, "He lived a good life" 

There are two ways to get enough. You could choose to accumulate more & more or choose to desire less and less, said a man who was put in a Soviet prison. Being in solitary confinement, you realise that you can live without so many things. We can argue that life is becoming more complex and we are becoming more exposed, hence, we need more things to be happy. It is however,  a blatant lie. That theory is self-created. A vicious cycle used to exist in my life. I'd want something, come up with all the different reasons why it would perfectly balance out my life and buy it. A few months later, something new would catch my eye, it would remain on my mind and even make me a little unhappy until I own it.  If the former was such a perfect balance, why then did the latter catch my eye? This is the generation we live in, variations which we are made to believe are better will always be created hence, applying restraint is something we should learn to practice. Since I shed the wish list/ always wanting habit, trivialities have a minimal effect on my life.

It takes far less than we think to be happy. By craving certain things in excess, we make those things lord over our lives. Money on its own, I don't believe is evil. It is only a measure of material value. The things we however, place value on determines money's purpose in our lives. A healthy balance has to be struck. We have to appreciate the comfort we can create with money but avoid conforming to the lusts of consumerism baring in mind that having too much would lead to the loss of emotions such as excitement. Life would be extremely bland for me if I was not looking forward to graduation or  getting on my own merit a decent source of income. 

From my family's structure, I've learnt to never allow my pursuit of materials take me completely away from family. The sense of belonging, happiness and laughter the holiday brought, made this more evident to me. A good life to me, is free from the strong-hold of materials or expectations which should be trivialities and immersed in a world of love of family and the earth, hard-work to achieve merit, positive aspirations, faith and sacrifice. In retrospect, realising you did all you could with a good heart and with the right drive is a blessing and something we all should aspire to. 

"At the end of the day, Lord, I pray; I have a life that's good"  

TIME TO REFUEL!

I've spent the last 2 weeks of the year holidaying. Waking at mid-day, eating lots of food, drinking merrily and visiting family. For the first time in these 2 weeks, my body was propelled to rise at 5am (thanks to the dragonfly like insect that found its way into my room!). I realised it's the 31st of December, last day of the year! It's the time of the year that calls for somber reflection and re-fueling my drive.

All through December, I've tried to reflect on the year. I started to feel like I hadn't set any clear goals at the start of the year. I then looked at my diary and I realised that 2013 was a year of immense growth for me. Towards the end of 2012, I felt I needed a platform to express myself, I started Life Atelier at the start of the year. I set an academic goal and I feel indebted to God for helping me achieve that. I feel undeserving most times but I'm forever thankful for my many blessings. My relationship with family has blossomed. I'm a lot more outspoken, helpful and understanding. I've tried to free my self from the shackles of relationships that undermine me and I'm glad I finally got the courage to let some people go. 

I made a new friend this year. He brought with him two habits he made me imbibe, happiness and contentment. He never fails to point out all my blessings when I start to feel weary and he's helped to teach me the value of so many things my myopic view once thought to be little. I'm very thankful for my friend and I wish him euphoria, always. 

Over the summer, I took a few pictures and did some write-ups. I wanted to make sure I'd be able to re-live my summer through the blog but halfway through, I stopped. I really need to work on my continuity skills. I need to learn to push myself and create work myself and others can appreciate. This is one of my plans for the new year. People often say that new year resolutions are cliché and you shouldn't wait till the new year to change your lifestyle. Whilst I agree with the latter, I don't agree with the former. I believe resolutions help give structure to your year. You set some goals and you don't rest until you are able to tick them off your 'to-achieve' list. I think it's a great success recipe. I'm making a vision board and I hope it serves as the motivation I want it to be. 

I am learning to allow spontaneity and structure co-exist in my life. Structure to achieve my set goals and spontaneity to fuel my young heart (LOL!). I'm excited for the New year. My religion teaches me to be hopeful and have faith, I am currently bustling with these. I am also praying that with the new year comes, sound health and long life for our families. 

I wish you a very prosperous new year.

Love,

Onyi.